One's the poster child for Murphy's law and the other has annoyingly good fortune.
In a world of monsters, magic, and mayhem, these are the girls with the "kick me" signs on their backs.
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An Educated Troll
Perspiration rolled down Xarenia's face. Her back and leg muscles burned and twitched as she stood with her back against the stone wall for support. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes as she slid down the chilled stone wall... her back soaking up the cold.

The two trolls, Grilluk and Truuk, plopped down against the wall beside her. Xarenia opened her eyes and let them drift about the room filling her mind with its details. Stone pews led to an obsidian altar with gold engravings on its surface. Behind the altar, a circular engraving of runes filled with silver covered the wall. Murals danced across the other walls--

"This place is bigger than it looks from the outside. We've walked for miles and still haven't found the high priest's burial chamber," said Xarenia.

Grilluk watched Truuk's head nod forward and suddenly jerk backwards. His eyes fluttered and closed as he slipped of into the realm of slumber.

Grilluk turned to Xarenia. "Well, most of the temple is buried under the sand. According to legend, the priests offended the Great Spirit Ratuuka, and he sent a sandstorm to enact his revenge."

"Why didn't he just cover up the entire temple?"

"Because he wanted them to flee into the desert where he had the butterfly creatures waiting for them."

"Those are his butterflies?!"

"He is an insect Spirit. Apparently, one with a twisted sense of humor."

Joints creaked and cracked and popped as Xarenia stood back up. She examined the chamber and wandered about to let sore muscles loosen up. "You seem to know a lot about this for a... well--"

"For a troll? Well, I do attend the university at the northern end of the Sanfijua Desert."

Xarenia looked the troll in the eyes. "Really?"

"Most people just assume we're uneducated. They treat our more savage brethren as the stereotype. They're the minority, but they attack people and get in trouble all the time. That's why they get all the attention."

"So, are there a lot of trolls as smart as you?"

"Lots."

She mused over that and flashed Grilluk a nervous grin. But soon, another thought crawled its way up from the back of her mind. "Well then, what convinces an educated troll that knows all about this place and those butterflies to come out here?"

The troll stood up and yawned. His arms stretched outward to a span that was easily twice the elf's height. He glanced over his shoulder at Truuk as the smaller troll's snores echoed through the chamber. Grilluk chuckled and strolled over to Xarenia as she approached the altar. "We were hired as guides for three of the greatest troll champions in the world. They were on a quest to retrieve the Headpiece of Ratukaa."

Xarenia leaned over to study the engravings on top of the altar. She ran her finger over the different symbols on the altar and silently mouthed the words represented by each.

"We warned them about the butterflies, but they seemed confident they could handle them. We believed they could too," said Grilluk.

"We were wrong."

Xarenia looked up from the altar at the troll and watched as his chin lowered and his shoulders slumped. "Looks like this headpiece is making lots of people take crazy risks."

"Well, not many people are gonna pass up a chance to live the rest of their lives in luxury. Would you?"

"I'm here, aren't I?" Xarenia hopped up to sit on the altar. Her boots tapped against the side of the altar, and she paused for a moment. Grilluk looked down at the altar as Xarenia pulled out her sword.

She tapped the altar with the hilt, and her eyes sparkled. "There's an echo in there. This thing's--"

"Hollow."

...link to this story


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Arazel & Xarenia first appeared here.
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"elves give me hives"

Steven Grant, Permanent Damage #69

"a tongue-in-cheek jab at DUNGEONS & DRAGONS conventions that's far better than it has any right to be."

Steven Grant, Permanent Damage #71

"I'd like to thank Jeffery Stevenson for the tube of CortAid, which he courteously sent to comfort the hives that comics featuring elves give me."

Steven Grant, Permanent Damage #74

All content ©2001 -2005 Jeffery A. Stevenson. All Rights Reserved. Any duplication without expressed written permission is strictly prohibited.